NICARAGUA 2015!

HI BLOG!!! 

I've been missing for a while and as I've told you before, I've been lacking in the idea department. I figured now would be the perfect time to blog and inform you on my future whereabouts. 

By the time you're reading this, I'll be on a the way to Nicaragua. This is something I've never done before. I'm the girl that likes to stay inside of her comfort zone with everything from travels to the food I eat. As I enter the week with a little uncertainty, I'm so excited to see how the Lord plans to use myself and friends over the next week. I'm so thankful to be going to serve alongside some great friends who have similar worries. I don't even know if you call these worries, more a fear of the unknown. The next week is going to push me to my limits and I'm very prepared for that. I know I'm going to be put in situations that make me uncomfortbale, but as I prepare to head off, I can't help but maintain a calm spirit knowing I feel pulled to do this. 

I'm hoping to be able to update you all at some point during the week, but I'm unsure of how that plan will work. 

I'm excited to see how the week turns out and really serve. This is the truest example of being the hands and feet of Jesus and what better time than around Easter. 

My heart feels full and I can't help but end this post with the verse... "But He was pierced for our transgressions, He was crushed for our inequities; the punishment that brought us peace was on Him, and by His wounds we are healed" Isaiah 53:5. However you plan to spend this Easter weekend, whether it's alongside family or in a whole different country like me, I hope you take time to reflect in the meaning of this Easter weekend and relish in the power of His love for us. 

Catch ya on the flip side, blog!! 

xo 

international women's day

You probably have forgotten that I even wrote a blog!! Trust me I've almost forgotten too.

March 8 is international women's day. Honestly I didn't pay much attention to it until almost the end of the day. I scrolled aimlessly on Instagram and Twitter not paying much attention to what I was reading. I sat on my couch last night just reading through the hashtag #internationalwomensday. If you haven't done it yet, I'd encourage you to do so.

Some of the stuff I read was crap and others lights a fire in me like no other. I love the tweets that I read and the empowerment I feel just simply by being a girl. Around the world being a woman is more dangerous than being a soldier- that's crazy, almost unimaginable for me. It's hard for me to wrap my head around that fact that in some countries being a girl is dangerous. For example, in Pakistan there are cultural, tribal, and religious practices that in some instances is harmful to women.  I can wrap my head around the fact that in some places being a woman is something that sets you apart or complicates things and although it's hard, I know it exists. I think we live in a society where girls struggle everyday, I've written a lot about that, and I think that those struggles lead us to believe we are weak and less important. The woman who paved a path for us are so hardcore and independent and they are so proud to be a girl. I want a feeling like that all the time. I think that we shouldn't just feel like this one day a year because your Twitter timeline is full of inspirational women's tweets. You should feel like this everyday of the year. Being a woman shouldn't be something that's dangerous or sets you apart or makes you weaker. 

As I scroll through the 310,000+ Instagram posts, I can't help but share this quote with you... "she was fierce, she was strong, she wasn't simple. she was crazy and sometime she barely slept. she always had something to say. she had flaws and that was ok. and when she was down, she got right back up. she was a beast in her own way, but one idea described her best. she was unstoppable and she took anything she wanted with a smile" - r.m. drake. 

I don't know how you can read something like that and not feel an incredible sense of peace and power. Although the two could contradict, I think that something like that makes me feel like I have the power. Together we're so much stronger and that strength isn't defined by March 8th. 

If you walk away with this from one thing I would want it to be that being a girl is awesome. Some days are rough, I get that because I have them, but being a girl should empower you, not set you back and make you feel weak. You are strong and brave and have the power just like the guy standing next to you. 

With all that being said, happy (belated) international women's day.. your age, gender, color, weight, occupation, or status does not define you, it should be something you celebrate. you are strong and unbreakable, prove that to the world!! 

Life on Skis

Greetings from the place where your nose is always runny, the temperature is below 35, that elevation is above 5,000 and the scenery is indescribable. From the first two on the list you might be thinking Atlanta, but if you haven't connected the dots that it isn't Atlanta and instead Colorado.... Greetings from Beaver Creek, Colorado.

For all you skiers out there, chances are you'll understand what I'm talking about in this post. If you haven't ever been skiing, I'll try to fill you in quick. You get 2 skis and 2 poles and it's every man for himself from the top of the mountain to the bottom at the lift. Skiing has never been one of my favorite things, but for some reason my whole family loves it (leads me to build on the case that I might have been adopted). I'm not sure why they love it so. For me, it's way too cold. I put on those heavy ski boots and have to trudge (not sure if thats a word) to the mountain and then after one run my calves are on fire!!! Like come on how could they love that feeling? This year my lovely mom made me add poles to the mix.... keep in mind I'm an amateur skier. Turns out I was fine, my body is ridiculously sore, and at times I was very crabby, but I made it.

If you ski often you'd know that the mountains are judged I guess you would say based on their difficulty starting a green all the way to black diamond. If you know me, you'd probably be able to conclude from what I've told you about my ski abilities that I typically would prefer to stick to the greens. With a fearless family like mine and a girl who always wants to get her way (these two are mutually exclusive in this situation), you can come to the conclusion that I didn't get to ski greens all week. What I've realized this week is that I'm a lot more fearful than fearless and my knees are so weak. I've also had some deep thoughts about life while trying to manage my way down some big mountains.

I've started to figure out that life is very much like skiing. Life is filled with greens (the easiest situations), blues (the more complicated), and blacks (the most complicated, situations we hate). Whether we like it or not, the black always exists. They're the most difficult situations to deal with and we struggle to make it through (or so we think at the time). I didn't ski any blacks this week, trust me, but if you've been keeping up with my blog since late December you could conclude that I've had some blacks. I've hated every second of them and at moments thought I might not survive.... dramatic I know. What we forget to recognize when we deal with these tough situations is that there are flat parts between mountains. The hardest part about the blacks is that from the top things look rough, full of bumps and complicated to deal with. Not that I skied any blacks this week, but if I could give one piece of advice, I would say that in order to make it down the blacks we need our friends and family to help us get down there. I've gotten out of the blacks and I'm cruising right now, the flat land is treating me good. I'm laughing a lot, and have so many reasons to smile and I have great friends to accredit that to. 

This post might be a little bit of a stretch, and I get that. If you could walk away from this with anything it would be to power through the blacks and make it to the flat land. The flat parts are gonna treat you a lot better than you imagine. You are in charge of how you make it down the mountain, take control! 

All my love from Colorado,

AK

The Girl in the Mirror

It scares me to post this and let my guard come down because the second I let my guard down the second I become vulnerable. Vulnerability when it comes to your own image is the king that could potentially hurt you the most. My hope as you read this you know you aren't the only one who struggles with the girl you see in the mirror and don't feel confident everyday. It's a problem I will continue to struggle with, but the battle gets easier everyday and I hope it will for you too. 

Our society is obsessed with the idea of the thigh gap or the perfect size 0 girl. The infamous thigh gap makes girls self conscious everyday. We scroll through Instagram or Pinterest and see pictures of skinny girls with a flat stomach. It plays a major role in how girls look at themselves. I'm not gonna lie and say it doesn't affect me, because it does. I scroll through Instagram and see a picture of a bathing suit model and thing wow I wish I looked like that.
I hate working out. Or I did for a long time. I would wake up one day and feel motivated to do something to be happier with the way I looked. I've never really struggled with my weight because I never thought much about it. I eat what I want and I would get by with being fine with how I looked. Self image was never something I really struggled with and trust me I didn't think I would write a blog for the whole world to see on it either, but here I am. I put my guard down because this blog is the easiest way for me to share what I feel and explain it to you. 

In the winter I feel fine, the way I look doesn't bother me. The summer rolls around and the shorts I wore the summer before stopped fitting or I was more self conscious when I was laying by the pool not because I thought I was fat but because I wasn't 110% happy with how I felt. I think New Years resolutions are silly, partially because I never followed through with them.. Until this year. At the beginning of the year I told myself I would start going to the gym. Keep in mind that I've told myself this every single year. I doubted myself, some friends doubted me, my mom even doubted me. She told me if I didn't go the 10 times a month than I would have to pay for it. My weight didn't bother me and it's not the weight in particular that bothers me now. I liked the girl I saw in the mirror. I never saw myself as the fat friend, but what I did see is a girl who wanted to love who she saw when she looked in the mirror. I wanted to be the girl I saw in the magazines and the reality is that feeling will never disappear. The feeling of not good enough or not small enough will always run through my mind. Because I want to be the girl I see in the magazine. I'll joke to you everyday of the week about fat and happy because I love the junk food I eat, but what you don't know is that's not the girl I wanna be. I wanna be the girl who is comfortable in her own skin and feels good when she shows up in a cute outfit. And that day will come, I'm sure of it, I'll just have to keep pushing till then. 

Don't get me wrong and assume I'm posting this blog to fish for your compliments, because that's not it at all. Posting this is difficult because although it doesn't seem like it. This is letting my guard down, a little at a time. 

What this post has yet to tell you is where to go from here. If our ultimate goal is to look like "her" in the magazine or on Instagram than we will never be satisfied. At the going rate, we continue to feel in adequate or obsess with the girl we see in the mirror, and what we have to realize albeit very difficult is that we are perfectly created by our Heavenly Father. That's not to say you can't go hard at the gym or eat a healthier diet because you can, but what you can't do is dwell on what you think are your imperfections.You are not the girl you see in the mirror and you are not defined by the number you see on the scale. Chances are it'll take us a while to realize how perfectly we were created, and I will continue to struggle with it. But while I'll struggle with that truth, I will try to wrap my head around the Creator of the World and how perfectly He made us. Flawless and perfected in His eyes.  

My hope is that you begin to understand Psalms 139:14, " I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made". My hope is that amidst your struggles you begin to realize that the girl you see in the mirror isn't the girl that the chases. He chases for your heart and as important as it is to treat our bodies good, we have to realize our heart for the Lord and devotion to Him is ultimately the most important.

PS- Sara, if you're reading this, I appreciate your wisdom on this situation. You rock, thank you for knowing the right thing to say. 

Rainy daze

Please excuse the following post as it might contain parts that make absolutely no sense, then again I did write this at 11:54......

I have a weird obsession with the rain. I'm not sure what it is about the way the rain falls but I love it. I'm writing this at almost midnight on February the first 2015. 32 days into the year. (Obviously you figured that out if you can do simple math)

I love the rain. I like how in one moment it comes down fast and hits the ground hard and in another moment it slows up and you can barely hear it hit your window. I told someone tonight I wanted a sky light, not because it would be completely awesome, but because laying in bed and watching the rain fall and hit the window would simply amaze me. I like falling asleep to the rain. I like the relaxing feeling I get when I crawl in bed in my pjs and just listen to the rain. I like the laziness I feel on rainy days and the excitement I feel when I know it's raining hard enough I can wear my hunter rain boots. I like the excitement I get as I hop into the puddles like I'm 6. I like the way the pavement steams in the summer after a good rain. I get super excited when I whip out my adorable red and black polka dot umbrella, rock red and black in all circumstances (spoken from a true fan). 

I think the rain represents life in some fashion. How some moments are heavy. How sometimes you feel like you can't catch a break because it's all coming down so fast. Rain represents peace. Sometimes it represents the slowing in my life. Like tonight, it rained for hours as I laid in bed binge watching one tree hill as I laughed at a conversation that never had a low point. As I try to describe to you the peace that comes over me when I listen to the rain, I'm at a loss of words. The best thing I can think of is Psalms 46:10, "be still and know that I am God" the stillness is an exact representation of my attitude in the rain. I think the Lord gives us rain in the time we need it most. Today was one of those days. A new day in a brand new month (one I happen to love). The rain brings freshness to my soul.

With all this being said, I encourage you the next time it rains to go for a drive. Drive a little ways and just stop. Stop going and be still and calm and just watch the rain fall. You'll feel overwhelmed with the peace, or at least I hope you do. 

Xo

The Hard Things

My heart has been stretched in a million directions this week. I expected the week after a long weekend in NYC to be rough because of tiredness but little did I know I would be back out of Georgia to head to Parkland. 

My heart hurts horribly for my best friend in the whole world who is experiencing what I could never imagine. Lots of back and forth between Mal and I, but not as much chatter as we typically have. I've been trying to support her and tell her I love her and am proud of her. As much as I hate for her that things are like this I hate it even more that I'm so far away from the my very best friend during this situation, I hate that her and her family are having to deal with this situation but I can't say it any better than Mr Glenn said. We don't get to write the pages in the book that God writes only get to be apart of it. 

By the time you are reading this, I'll be in Florida after what feels like the longest week ever. I've hated being apart from Mallary in this situation. What you probably don't know is that it's not so much the surgery that is throwing me off but the struggling Mallary is dealing with as she encourages her mom to keep fighting and my inability to help (or as it feels) from 662 miles away. The support I've felt from friends and faculty at school has allowed me to continue to bring optimism to Mallary and her family. Believe it or not, playing catch and listening to some relaxing music really can help. I can't thank those who have surrounded me for the past few days (you know who you are) enough for their overwhelming support and well wishes. I now fall to my knees and ask for you to pray for my strength as I face a situation I've never faced before and to continuously bring an optimistic attitude and spirit to my best friend. 

As hurt as I feel by this situation I'm angry. Really angry for Mallary and at God for doing this. (people don't say this I know!!) I'm mad because I don't understand why Mrs Angela is suffering and why this situation is happening as it is. I'm mad that my best friend feels like this and He's just letting it happen... Or that's what it feels like... I know that you should lean in to God in these situations and I'll admit to you that I'm struggling. I've fought a lot of tears this week and that's something I haven't shared a lot with Mallary. Sometimes we all struggle to keep composure, but my ability to stand by her in this situation trying to lift her up has amplified the strength of our friendship times 10. 

I have a long weekend ahead of me. I'll be around exactly what Mallary has been through all week. The rough moments have been abundant but the feeling of relief I'll get to be supporting my best friend will be worth every second. I know she's overwhelmed by the support she's received, the magnitude of your prayer is silencing.  Do not stop now.

I've recently been enlightened to the idea that we all need somebody. Whether it's someone to talk to, someone to cry to, someone to laugh with, we all need someone. I ask for you support as I carry this message to Florida with me and get to be a somebody to Mal and her family. As I finish this post, I can't help but ask for your prayers. Prayers for strength as I try to support the one who I care about so much. I ask for your prayers as the Goad's prepare to run a marathon that requires their patience and that Mallary finds peace in the fact that her mom is fighting and has to let that happen. Please continue to pray, the great Creator of the universe is listening. 

Sending love from Florida.

Always,

AK

Remember

PSA: I am sorry that I haven't posted in 10 days. Ridiculous I know, but I was lacking in ideas. I would start writing and stop in the middle and never finish because I didn't know how... a severe case of writers block for sure, BUT the good news is I finally could start and finish a blog in one sitting (or that is my plan as I start writing this)

I spent Sunday evening at Insideout North Point. There is absolutely no place I would rather spend my Sunday's. Such a cool thing for me to spend time with my small group and worship to kick off the week. Justin spoke on a series about Remembering. We have to intentionally remember things. If we don't go out of our way either to take pictures or write things down, chances are we won't remember an event that happened in the beginning of the year at the end. I think that we all know in a world spinning a million miles a minute especially in high school it is hard to value moments for what they are worth. For me specifically, I like to take a lot of pictures and that is my way to remember things.

We are in the presence of an amazing God, who never abandons us in our highest and lowest moments. I think that we sometimes forget in our weak moments that He is here cheering us on and with us in all of our moments. The forgetfulness we experience, just like the forgetting of memories, is taken advantage of by the Devil. Satan sits around waiting for us to forget about God in a weak moment. I think that often times our forgetfulness is used exactly to Satan's advantage and works exactly how he plans. I can think of a handful of moments where in my weakest moments when I feel like God doesn't have my back how easily it is for Satan to tempt me.

What we were challenged to do is to write down things God did for us in the past year and what He is doing for us in this year. I am going to present you with this same challenge, I've already started!

To help do this, I have two suggestions. I received both of these gifts for Christmas. One is a Gratitude Jar. Check it out here.The lady who started the gratitude jar just began to reflect after one of her recent mission trips. There are lots of scientific reasons why we should comment and write about our gratitude towards the people surrounding us and the things that give us those feelings of gratitude. Gratitude allows us let loose and enjoy every passing moment. Gratitude creates authenticity. The jar is designed so that you will write down gratitude notes and place them in the jar so that you will feel free and your heart will enjoy the moments you are in. The second is a book. The 365 Q&A book. Every night before I head to bed, I write in the book. There's a different question everyday. Not all of them are deep and not all are so carefree, but this book has gifted me the opportunity to answer these questions and remember the situation or spot I was in as I wrote the answers to different questions. I can use this book for 4 years! Super cool item and am so thankful to have it.

I've been hesitant to post in 2015 because I am afraid that a bad first blog in 2015 doesn't foreshadow for a year of good blogs. I've finally found some inspiration and this is just the start. A good first blog means a good year ahead. I have big hopes for withasunnyside this year and can't wait to experience them with you all by my side.