Blessings on Blessings

Back to blogging and I couldn't be more excited! New year, new series, more ways God's faithfulness will be evident this year.

The most cliche things seniors say are comments about lasts and endings, as I begin to process the endings and start reflecting on my time as a KR student, I am so reminded of the blessings He has created throughout me time at the place I will truly miss when I leave for college. 

When I think of Jesus' promises and blessings to believers I am immediately drawn to the story of Abraham and the ways that God tested him. To give you some context, we are in the beginning of the Bible in the book of Genesis. The biblical series of events that surround Genesis 22 are the birth of Issac (2066 B.C.) and the death of Sarah (2029 B.C.). Chapter 22 is introduced and Abraham and Issac go to sacrifice the lamb to Jesus. The important thing to realize is that they had to travel a ways to where God wanted them to perform the sacrifice and they traveled all that way with no lamb. Issac questions his father and asks where the lamb is. Abraham responded without any doubts "God will give us the lamb for sacrifice, my son" (Gen 22:8). God is a faithful God who loves his people and through that provides for Abraham making him a more faithful follower. Verse 16 is where we get to the point I am trying to make. Jesus says to Abraham 

"I will surely bless you and make your descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and as the sand on the seashore. Your descendants will take possession of the cities of their enemies, and through your offspring all nations will be blessed, because you obeyed me"
Jesus promises to bless Abraham because of his faithfulness in the Lord. 

I believe that because of faithfulness within founding members, our headmaster, administration, faculty, and staff, KRCS is a place where Christ is truly evident. I believe that the faithfulness I have discovered as a result of this Christian environment has developed my faith in Jesus and through that faith He has created abundant and unimaginable blessings. 

As this series begins to unfold, I can't wait to touch on all of the blessings that Jesus has given me, my family, and my school over the past 10 years as a KR student. There is definitely more to come on ways God has shown Himself faithful at KR! 

Thanks for reading! 

Second Semester Strugs

High school: 

- Nothing seems to work quite right in a high school building. The heaters only work during the summer and the air conditioning only works in the winter. 

- High school is also the place where the stress of growing up and the stress of fitting in join forces to destroy even the strongest among us. 

I copied parts of the urban dictionary definition of high school, the parts that I agreed with at least. I don't know everything about high school, trust me, but I get what it's like. I agree with the statements above. Some days it seems like absolutely nothing is going right, whether it's the heating and air conditioning, the lunch food, or another failed bio test.  The things I've come to realize at a heightened level in the past few weeks (besides that I might have had a little too optimistic of an attitude about school) is that high school is a serious whirl wind of emotions. Not that you didn't already know that, or maybe you didn't. I'm a super emotional person, I cry on a regular basis primarily because I'm sensitive and I get my feelings hurt easily, but also because my heart gets disappointed in the smallest of things. I've learned with a heart that isn't really connected with my brain that I make a lot more of my decisions based on what my heart tells me and that I act on my heart. Some days I want my head to understand and deal with what my heart doesn't need and it just doesn't happen. I think that with a heart like mine you have to be careful because I do get my feelings hurt so easily. 

I've learned the power of a thank you and one singular text and how that can completely turn my day around. I've learned that people more often times than not will let you down. I've learned that sometimes you have to squeeze the truth out of people you trust. I've learned to value friendships for what they are, not who introduced you. I've learned to embrace new opportunities with an optimistic attitude. I've learned that anger doesn't solve anything and sometimes silence is your best option. I've learned that people are probably gonna tell you they won't talk behind your back, and they still do. I've learned to be incredibly thankful for long lasting friendships, but also to be okay with starting to let go of others. And I think most importantly what I'm learning and still learn everyday is to let go and let God. Every single one of those things I've learned is something that I need to surrender to Him. I struggle to wrap my head around that on most days, but it's exactly what He wants. 

As I write l those out, I realize that in lots of those situations I want to run (not for exercise), but from the Lord. I heard a message recently about how us running from the Lord relates directly back to Luke 15 with the parable of the lost sheep, the lost coin, and the prodigal son. The thing I walked away with most from that message is the significance of one lost sheep out of 100 and one lost coin (which doesn't seem like much) are so important in realizing how the Lord chases for us. I'm a little all over the place, but I've also spent the last three days in my bible class watching The Passion of the Christ. The movie itself is really intense, but it's the most graphic representation of His love for us. Jesus bared the cross for us, for us not to run during the times we want to, and for us to bear close to Him in those situations when it seems the hardest. Random and a little all over the place, I know. 

To end right back where we started... My definition of high school. 

High school: the place people say you'll find out who your real friends are, the place you learn to deal with relationships between friends, boys, parents, the place you'll feel more stressed than you ever have before, the place some days you don't feel like you can deal with, the place you receive failing grades you don't think you deserve, and the place you begin to discover who you are. 

I don't know how you view high school, and my view of it has changed a little this year. Just as my view has changed in the last few months, it will change again and I know that. Yours may change too! Second semester has been great in most ways, but it's also showed me more things than I probably wanted to know. The best part about it all is while in high school ya live, and ya learn. If you aren't sure what you're view of high school is, I'd encourage you to look to find it. 

- AK

Hola amigos....

Hi America! Or wherever you're reading from...

By the time you're reading this it'll be Wednesday morning and we'll have accomplished 2 whole workdays along with a homestay.

Saturday night & Sunday: We arrived in Managua on Saturday night. Let me tell you, I underestimated the weather. It was humid and so sticky. Thankfully, after a drive out to Esteli (where we're staying the rest of the week) the temperatures cooled down. On Sunday morning/ Easter, we drove 2 hours out to Esteli where we attended a large outdoor (ish) Catholic church. We had our first meal in Nica... chances are I'm the pickiest eater you know which means I was very worried about my eating scenario. I was very pleased when they served french fries at our first meal!!! Little did I know these would become a quite common occurrence. We met our host families and headed out to their homes. Culture shock isn't what I would even call the feelings I experienced. Alexandra and I were in a home together, which I was very thankful for because she is basically fluent in spanish. We rode a packed school bus to the leaders homes. I'm trying to give you a mental image of how crowded this bus was... when you think there is no possible way you can fit another person on a bus with sweating people another person shows up. We were squeezed so tight on that bus that when I went to get off I had to squeeze between 2 fully grown adults with my backpack on. The space to get out was so tiny that someone outside of the bus had to pull me thru a probably 1 foot space. The home stay has been the most interesting part thus far. To fully explain what it was like is nearly impossible. The houses range from simply concrete to more tin. The home we stayed in was 2 bedrooms, tiny multipurpose room with lawn chairs where we ate and hungout, and a kitchen. We didn't use the bathroom at our house once because all we were told was that it was "different". We went to the bathroom at another Young Life leaders house where the situation was nothing compared to an American bathroom. We had to fill a bucket with water in order to force it to flush because there wasn't any water in the tank. 

Monday: On Monday morning, our home stay family took us to see the local school (see picture below). The fully outdoor school had very similar classrooms to those in the states. They were fully equipped with desks, whiteboards, and lots of students. We also noted that all of the students wore uniforms. KR Kids, unis are a thing in Nica too!! We split up for our first work day. All the girls headed to a home where they host YL club and the boys headed the David's house (more manual labor). At the YL club we repainted. When we left for lunch with the group, David (the area director of Esteli) picked us up and we rode in the bed of his truck to have lunch. Since this is illegal in the states, you might not understand what I'm saying. 11 girls were standing up in the back of a pickup truck traveling down dirt roads in the city. Monday was the only day we worked the whole day. The sun rises and it gets light very early here in Esteli which means that we wake up early from all the outside noise. The people in the city rise very early!! The sun sets pretty early too, it is almost dark by 6pm. Monday was an exhausting day, but we spent the evening hanging out as a group and playing some seriously trippy mind games. I was always the last person to figure these things out! It's an awesome feeling to be hanging out with such a different group of students and conversation filled with so much laughter. We have laughed so much.

Tuesday: We spent the morning completing our paint job at the club. We joined up with the rest of the group after a lot of interaction with some of the locals while working. At lunch we had the first member of our team share his testimony. Props to you, Ben for doing this fully in spanish #impressed! We heard our second testimony from a Nica leader. All 19 of us spent the afternoon together along with some Young Life leaders. The girls painted nails and the boys spent the afternoon playing soccer. I also rode a motorcycle!! I was so excited about this. I'm not very adventurous and this seemed so cool to me. My mom wasn't very excited about this especially since I wasn't wearing a helmet. I didn't go very far on it, but super cool!! Once we got back in the afternoon, all of the Americans ventured out to a coffee and ice cream shop. We had a fully American dinner.. chicken tenders... that rocked. We spent the night laughing and playing lots of Mafia. 

My heart is full and I've stepped way out of my comfort zone this week and although I'm put in these uncomfortable situations, I'm so happy to be experiencing this. I continue to ask you for your prayers as we hope to glorify God throughout all of our actions this week. It's so crazy to me that at the time you'll be reading this the week is halfway over. I'm looking forward to seeing how the rest of the week plays out and experience the Lord in more ways.

I hope America is treating you well because Nicaragua sure is treating me well.

Sending all my love,

AK 

NICARAGUA 2015!

HI BLOG!!! 

I've been missing for a while and as I've told you before, I've been lacking in the idea department. I figured now would be the perfect time to blog and inform you on my future whereabouts. 

By the time you're reading this, I'll be on a the way to Nicaragua. This is something I've never done before. I'm the girl that likes to stay inside of her comfort zone with everything from travels to the food I eat. As I enter the week with a little uncertainty, I'm so excited to see how the Lord plans to use myself and friends over the next week. I'm so thankful to be going to serve alongside some great friends who have similar worries. I don't even know if you call these worries, more a fear of the unknown. The next week is going to push me to my limits and I'm very prepared for that. I know I'm going to be put in situations that make me uncomfortbale, but as I prepare to head off, I can't help but maintain a calm spirit knowing I feel pulled to do this. 

I'm hoping to be able to update you all at some point during the week, but I'm unsure of how that plan will work. 

I'm excited to see how the week turns out and really serve. This is the truest example of being the hands and feet of Jesus and what better time than around Easter. 

My heart feels full and I can't help but end this post with the verse... "But He was pierced for our transgressions, He was crushed for our inequities; the punishment that brought us peace was on Him, and by His wounds we are healed" Isaiah 53:5. However you plan to spend this Easter weekend, whether it's alongside family or in a whole different country like me, I hope you take time to reflect in the meaning of this Easter weekend and relish in the power of His love for us. 

Catch ya on the flip side, blog!! 

xo 

international women's day

You probably have forgotten that I even wrote a blog!! Trust me I've almost forgotten too.

March 8 is international women's day. Honestly I didn't pay much attention to it until almost the end of the day. I scrolled aimlessly on Instagram and Twitter not paying much attention to what I was reading. I sat on my couch last night just reading through the hashtag #internationalwomensday. If you haven't done it yet, I'd encourage you to do so.

Some of the stuff I read was crap and others lights a fire in me like no other. I love the tweets that I read and the empowerment I feel just simply by being a girl. Around the world being a woman is more dangerous than being a soldier- that's crazy, almost unimaginable for me. It's hard for me to wrap my head around that fact that in some countries being a girl is dangerous. For example, in Pakistan there are cultural, tribal, and religious practices that in some instances is harmful to women.  I can wrap my head around the fact that in some places being a woman is something that sets you apart or complicates things and although it's hard, I know it exists. I think we live in a society where girls struggle everyday, I've written a lot about that, and I think that those struggles lead us to believe we are weak and less important. The woman who paved a path for us are so hardcore and independent and they are so proud to be a girl. I want a feeling like that all the time. I think that we shouldn't just feel like this one day a year because your Twitter timeline is full of inspirational women's tweets. You should feel like this everyday of the year. Being a woman shouldn't be something that's dangerous or sets you apart or makes you weaker. 

As I scroll through the 310,000+ Instagram posts, I can't help but share this quote with you... "she was fierce, she was strong, she wasn't simple. she was crazy and sometime she barely slept. she always had something to say. she had flaws and that was ok. and when she was down, she got right back up. she was a beast in her own way, but one idea described her best. she was unstoppable and she took anything she wanted with a smile" - r.m. drake. 

I don't know how you can read something like that and not feel an incredible sense of peace and power. Although the two could contradict, I think that something like that makes me feel like I have the power. Together we're so much stronger and that strength isn't defined by March 8th. 

If you walk away with this from one thing I would want it to be that being a girl is awesome. Some days are rough, I get that because I have them, but being a girl should empower you, not set you back and make you feel weak. You are strong and brave and have the power just like the guy standing next to you. 

With all that being said, happy (belated) international women's day.. your age, gender, color, weight, occupation, or status does not define you, it should be something you celebrate. you are strong and unbreakable, prove that to the world!! 

Life on Skis

Greetings from the place where your nose is always runny, the temperature is below 35, that elevation is above 5,000 and the scenery is indescribable. From the first two on the list you might be thinking Atlanta, but if you haven't connected the dots that it isn't Atlanta and instead Colorado.... Greetings from Beaver Creek, Colorado.

For all you skiers out there, chances are you'll understand what I'm talking about in this post. If you haven't ever been skiing, I'll try to fill you in quick. You get 2 skis and 2 poles and it's every man for himself from the top of the mountain to the bottom at the lift. Skiing has never been one of my favorite things, but for some reason my whole family loves it (leads me to build on the case that I might have been adopted). I'm not sure why they love it so. For me, it's way too cold. I put on those heavy ski boots and have to trudge (not sure if thats a word) to the mountain and then after one run my calves are on fire!!! Like come on how could they love that feeling? This year my lovely mom made me add poles to the mix.... keep in mind I'm an amateur skier. Turns out I was fine, my body is ridiculously sore, and at times I was very crabby, but I made it.

If you ski often you'd know that the mountains are judged I guess you would say based on their difficulty starting a green all the way to black diamond. If you know me, you'd probably be able to conclude from what I've told you about my ski abilities that I typically would prefer to stick to the greens. With a fearless family like mine and a girl who always wants to get her way (these two are mutually exclusive in this situation), you can come to the conclusion that I didn't get to ski greens all week. What I've realized this week is that I'm a lot more fearful than fearless and my knees are so weak. I've also had some deep thoughts about life while trying to manage my way down some big mountains.

I've started to figure out that life is very much like skiing. Life is filled with greens (the easiest situations), blues (the more complicated), and blacks (the most complicated, situations we hate). Whether we like it or not, the black always exists. They're the most difficult situations to deal with and we struggle to make it through (or so we think at the time). I didn't ski any blacks this week, trust me, but if you've been keeping up with my blog since late December you could conclude that I've had some blacks. I've hated every second of them and at moments thought I might not survive.... dramatic I know. What we forget to recognize when we deal with these tough situations is that there are flat parts between mountains. The hardest part about the blacks is that from the top things look rough, full of bumps and complicated to deal with. Not that I skied any blacks this week, but if I could give one piece of advice, I would say that in order to make it down the blacks we need our friends and family to help us get down there. I've gotten out of the blacks and I'm cruising right now, the flat land is treating me good. I'm laughing a lot, and have so many reasons to smile and I have great friends to accredit that to. 

This post might be a little bit of a stretch, and I get that. If you could walk away from this with anything it would be to power through the blacks and make it to the flat land. The flat parts are gonna treat you a lot better than you imagine. You are in charge of how you make it down the mountain, take control! 

All my love from Colorado,

AK

The Girl in the Mirror

It scares me to post this and let my guard come down because the second I let my guard down the second I become vulnerable. Vulnerability when it comes to your own image is the king that could potentially hurt you the most. My hope as you read this you know you aren't the only one who struggles with the girl you see in the mirror and don't feel confident everyday. It's a problem I will continue to struggle with, but the battle gets easier everyday and I hope it will for you too. 

Our society is obsessed with the idea of the thigh gap or the perfect size 0 girl. The infamous thigh gap makes girls self conscious everyday. We scroll through Instagram or Pinterest and see pictures of skinny girls with a flat stomach. It plays a major role in how girls look at themselves. I'm not gonna lie and say it doesn't affect me, because it does. I scroll through Instagram and see a picture of a bathing suit model and thing wow I wish I looked like that.
I hate working out. Or I did for a long time. I would wake up one day and feel motivated to do something to be happier with the way I looked. I've never really struggled with my weight because I never thought much about it. I eat what I want and I would get by with being fine with how I looked. Self image was never something I really struggled with and trust me I didn't think I would write a blog for the whole world to see on it either, but here I am. I put my guard down because this blog is the easiest way for me to share what I feel and explain it to you. 

In the winter I feel fine, the way I look doesn't bother me. The summer rolls around and the shorts I wore the summer before stopped fitting or I was more self conscious when I was laying by the pool not because I thought I was fat but because I wasn't 110% happy with how I felt. I think New Years resolutions are silly, partially because I never followed through with them.. Until this year. At the beginning of the year I told myself I would start going to the gym. Keep in mind that I've told myself this every single year. I doubted myself, some friends doubted me, my mom even doubted me. She told me if I didn't go the 10 times a month than I would have to pay for it. My weight didn't bother me and it's not the weight in particular that bothers me now. I liked the girl I saw in the mirror. I never saw myself as the fat friend, but what I did see is a girl who wanted to love who she saw when she looked in the mirror. I wanted to be the girl I saw in the magazines and the reality is that feeling will never disappear. The feeling of not good enough or not small enough will always run through my mind. Because I want to be the girl I see in the magazine. I'll joke to you everyday of the week about fat and happy because I love the junk food I eat, but what you don't know is that's not the girl I wanna be. I wanna be the girl who is comfortable in her own skin and feels good when she shows up in a cute outfit. And that day will come, I'm sure of it, I'll just have to keep pushing till then. 

Don't get me wrong and assume I'm posting this blog to fish for your compliments, because that's not it at all. Posting this is difficult because although it doesn't seem like it. This is letting my guard down, a little at a time. 

What this post has yet to tell you is where to go from here. If our ultimate goal is to look like "her" in the magazine or on Instagram than we will never be satisfied. At the going rate, we continue to feel in adequate or obsess with the girl we see in the mirror, and what we have to realize albeit very difficult is that we are perfectly created by our Heavenly Father. That's not to say you can't go hard at the gym or eat a healthier diet because you can, but what you can't do is dwell on what you think are your imperfections.You are not the girl you see in the mirror and you are not defined by the number you see on the scale. Chances are it'll take us a while to realize how perfectly we were created, and I will continue to struggle with it. But while I'll struggle with that truth, I will try to wrap my head around the Creator of the World and how perfectly He made us. Flawless and perfected in His eyes.  

My hope is that you begin to understand Psalms 139:14, " I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made". My hope is that amidst your struggles you begin to realize that the girl you see in the mirror isn't the girl that the chases. He chases for your heart and as important as it is to treat our bodies good, we have to realize our heart for the Lord and devotion to Him is ultimately the most important.

PS- Sara, if you're reading this, I appreciate your wisdom on this situation. You rock, thank you for knowing the right thing to say.