The Hard Things

My heart has been stretched in a million directions this week. I expected the week after a long weekend in NYC to be rough because of tiredness but little did I know I would be back out of Georgia to head to Parkland. 

My heart hurts horribly for my best friend in the whole world who is experiencing what I could never imagine. Lots of back and forth between Mal and I, but not as much chatter as we typically have. I've been trying to support her and tell her I love her and am proud of her. As much as I hate for her that things are like this I hate it even more that I'm so far away from the my very best friend during this situation, I hate that her and her family are having to deal with this situation but I can't say it any better than Mr Glenn said. We don't get to write the pages in the book that God writes only get to be apart of it. 

By the time you are reading this, I'll be in Florida after what feels like the longest week ever. I've hated being apart from Mallary in this situation. What you probably don't know is that it's not so much the surgery that is throwing me off but the struggling Mallary is dealing with as she encourages her mom to keep fighting and my inability to help (or as it feels) from 662 miles away. The support I've felt from friends and faculty at school has allowed me to continue to bring optimism to Mallary and her family. Believe it or not, playing catch and listening to some relaxing music really can help. I can't thank those who have surrounded me for the past few days (you know who you are) enough for their overwhelming support and well wishes. I now fall to my knees and ask for you to pray for my strength as I face a situation I've never faced before and to continuously bring an optimistic attitude and spirit to my best friend. 

As hurt as I feel by this situation I'm angry. Really angry for Mallary and at God for doing this. (people don't say this I know!!) I'm mad because I don't understand why Mrs Angela is suffering and why this situation is happening as it is. I'm mad that my best friend feels like this and He's just letting it happen... Or that's what it feels like... I know that you should lean in to God in these situations and I'll admit to you that I'm struggling. I've fought a lot of tears this week and that's something I haven't shared a lot with Mallary. Sometimes we all struggle to keep composure, but my ability to stand by her in this situation trying to lift her up has amplified the strength of our friendship times 10. 

I have a long weekend ahead of me. I'll be around exactly what Mallary has been through all week. The rough moments have been abundant but the feeling of relief I'll get to be supporting my best friend will be worth every second. I know she's overwhelmed by the support she's received, the magnitude of your prayer is silencing.  Do not stop now.

I've recently been enlightened to the idea that we all need somebody. Whether it's someone to talk to, someone to cry to, someone to laugh with, we all need someone. I ask for you support as I carry this message to Florida with me and get to be a somebody to Mal and her family. As I finish this post, I can't help but ask for your prayers. Prayers for strength as I try to support the one who I care about so much. I ask for your prayers as the Goad's prepare to run a marathon that requires their patience and that Mallary finds peace in the fact that her mom is fighting and has to let that happen. Please continue to pray, the great Creator of the universe is listening. 

Sending love from Florida.

Always,

AK

Remember

PSA: I am sorry that I haven't posted in 10 days. Ridiculous I know, but I was lacking in ideas. I would start writing and stop in the middle and never finish because I didn't know how... a severe case of writers block for sure, BUT the good news is I finally could start and finish a blog in one sitting (or that is my plan as I start writing this)

I spent Sunday evening at Insideout North Point. There is absolutely no place I would rather spend my Sunday's. Such a cool thing for me to spend time with my small group and worship to kick off the week. Justin spoke on a series about Remembering. We have to intentionally remember things. If we don't go out of our way either to take pictures or write things down, chances are we won't remember an event that happened in the beginning of the year at the end. I think that we all know in a world spinning a million miles a minute especially in high school it is hard to value moments for what they are worth. For me specifically, I like to take a lot of pictures and that is my way to remember things.

We are in the presence of an amazing God, who never abandons us in our highest and lowest moments. I think that we sometimes forget in our weak moments that He is here cheering us on and with us in all of our moments. The forgetfulness we experience, just like the forgetting of memories, is taken advantage of by the Devil. Satan sits around waiting for us to forget about God in a weak moment. I think that often times our forgetfulness is used exactly to Satan's advantage and works exactly how he plans. I can think of a handful of moments where in my weakest moments when I feel like God doesn't have my back how easily it is for Satan to tempt me.

What we were challenged to do is to write down things God did for us in the past year and what He is doing for us in this year. I am going to present you with this same challenge, I've already started!

To help do this, I have two suggestions. I received both of these gifts for Christmas. One is a Gratitude Jar. Check it out here.The lady who started the gratitude jar just began to reflect after one of her recent mission trips. There are lots of scientific reasons why we should comment and write about our gratitude towards the people surrounding us and the things that give us those feelings of gratitude. Gratitude allows us let loose and enjoy every passing moment. Gratitude creates authenticity. The jar is designed so that you will write down gratitude notes and place them in the jar so that you will feel free and your heart will enjoy the moments you are in. The second is a book. The 365 Q&A book. Every night before I head to bed, I write in the book. There's a different question everyday. Not all of them are deep and not all are so carefree, but this book has gifted me the opportunity to answer these questions and remember the situation or spot I was in as I wrote the answers to different questions. I can use this book for 4 years! Super cool item and am so thankful to have it.

I've been hesitant to post in 2015 because I am afraid that a bad first blog in 2015 doesn't foreshadow for a year of good blogs. I've finally found some inspiration and this is just the start. A good first blog means a good year ahead. I have big hopes for withasunnyside this year and can't wait to experience them with you all by my side.