Life on Skis

Greetings from the place where your nose is always runny, the temperature is below 35, that elevation is above 5,000 and the scenery is indescribable. From the first two on the list you might be thinking Atlanta, but if you haven't connected the dots that it isn't Atlanta and instead Colorado.... Greetings from Beaver Creek, Colorado.

For all you skiers out there, chances are you'll understand what I'm talking about in this post. If you haven't ever been skiing, I'll try to fill you in quick. You get 2 skis and 2 poles and it's every man for himself from the top of the mountain to the bottom at the lift. Skiing has never been one of my favorite things, but for some reason my whole family loves it (leads me to build on the case that I might have been adopted). I'm not sure why they love it so. For me, it's way too cold. I put on those heavy ski boots and have to trudge (not sure if thats a word) to the mountain and then after one run my calves are on fire!!! Like come on how could they love that feeling? This year my lovely mom made me add poles to the mix.... keep in mind I'm an amateur skier. Turns out I was fine, my body is ridiculously sore, and at times I was very crabby, but I made it.

If you ski often you'd know that the mountains are judged I guess you would say based on their difficulty starting a green all the way to black diamond. If you know me, you'd probably be able to conclude from what I've told you about my ski abilities that I typically would prefer to stick to the greens. With a fearless family like mine and a girl who always wants to get her way (these two are mutually exclusive in this situation), you can come to the conclusion that I didn't get to ski greens all week. What I've realized this week is that I'm a lot more fearful than fearless and my knees are so weak. I've also had some deep thoughts about life while trying to manage my way down some big mountains.

I've started to figure out that life is very much like skiing. Life is filled with greens (the easiest situations), blues (the more complicated), and blacks (the most complicated, situations we hate). Whether we like it or not, the black always exists. They're the most difficult situations to deal with and we struggle to make it through (or so we think at the time). I didn't ski any blacks this week, trust me, but if you've been keeping up with my blog since late December you could conclude that I've had some blacks. I've hated every second of them and at moments thought I might not survive.... dramatic I know. What we forget to recognize when we deal with these tough situations is that there are flat parts between mountains. The hardest part about the blacks is that from the top things look rough, full of bumps and complicated to deal with. Not that I skied any blacks this week, but if I could give one piece of advice, I would say that in order to make it down the blacks we need our friends and family to help us get down there. I've gotten out of the blacks and I'm cruising right now, the flat land is treating me good. I'm laughing a lot, and have so many reasons to smile and I have great friends to accredit that to. 

This post might be a little bit of a stretch, and I get that. If you could walk away from this with anything it would be to power through the blacks and make it to the flat land. The flat parts are gonna treat you a lot better than you imagine. You are in charge of how you make it down the mountain, take control! 

All my love from Colorado,

AK

The Girl in the Mirror

It scares me to post this and let my guard come down because the second I let my guard down the second I become vulnerable. Vulnerability when it comes to your own image is the king that could potentially hurt you the most. My hope as you read this you know you aren't the only one who struggles with the girl you see in the mirror and don't feel confident everyday. It's a problem I will continue to struggle with, but the battle gets easier everyday and I hope it will for you too. 

Our society is obsessed with the idea of the thigh gap or the perfect size 0 girl. The infamous thigh gap makes girls self conscious everyday. We scroll through Instagram or Pinterest and see pictures of skinny girls with a flat stomach. It plays a major role in how girls look at themselves. I'm not gonna lie and say it doesn't affect me, because it does. I scroll through Instagram and see a picture of a bathing suit model and thing wow I wish I looked like that.
I hate working out. Or I did for a long time. I would wake up one day and feel motivated to do something to be happier with the way I looked. I've never really struggled with my weight because I never thought much about it. I eat what I want and I would get by with being fine with how I looked. Self image was never something I really struggled with and trust me I didn't think I would write a blog for the whole world to see on it either, but here I am. I put my guard down because this blog is the easiest way for me to share what I feel and explain it to you. 

In the winter I feel fine, the way I look doesn't bother me. The summer rolls around and the shorts I wore the summer before stopped fitting or I was more self conscious when I was laying by the pool not because I thought I was fat but because I wasn't 110% happy with how I felt. I think New Years resolutions are silly, partially because I never followed through with them.. Until this year. At the beginning of the year I told myself I would start going to the gym. Keep in mind that I've told myself this every single year. I doubted myself, some friends doubted me, my mom even doubted me. She told me if I didn't go the 10 times a month than I would have to pay for it. My weight didn't bother me and it's not the weight in particular that bothers me now. I liked the girl I saw in the mirror. I never saw myself as the fat friend, but what I did see is a girl who wanted to love who she saw when she looked in the mirror. I wanted to be the girl I saw in the magazines and the reality is that feeling will never disappear. The feeling of not good enough or not small enough will always run through my mind. Because I want to be the girl I see in the magazine. I'll joke to you everyday of the week about fat and happy because I love the junk food I eat, but what you don't know is that's not the girl I wanna be. I wanna be the girl who is comfortable in her own skin and feels good when she shows up in a cute outfit. And that day will come, I'm sure of it, I'll just have to keep pushing till then. 

Don't get me wrong and assume I'm posting this blog to fish for your compliments, because that's not it at all. Posting this is difficult because although it doesn't seem like it. This is letting my guard down, a little at a time. 

What this post has yet to tell you is where to go from here. If our ultimate goal is to look like "her" in the magazine or on Instagram than we will never be satisfied. At the going rate, we continue to feel in adequate or obsess with the girl we see in the mirror, and what we have to realize albeit very difficult is that we are perfectly created by our Heavenly Father. That's not to say you can't go hard at the gym or eat a healthier diet because you can, but what you can't do is dwell on what you think are your imperfections.You are not the girl you see in the mirror and you are not defined by the number you see on the scale. Chances are it'll take us a while to realize how perfectly we were created, and I will continue to struggle with it. But while I'll struggle with that truth, I will try to wrap my head around the Creator of the World and how perfectly He made us. Flawless and perfected in His eyes.  

My hope is that you begin to understand Psalms 139:14, " I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made". My hope is that amidst your struggles you begin to realize that the girl you see in the mirror isn't the girl that the chases. He chases for your heart and as important as it is to treat our bodies good, we have to realize our heart for the Lord and devotion to Him is ultimately the most important.

PS- Sara, if you're reading this, I appreciate your wisdom on this situation. You rock, thank you for knowing the right thing to say. 

Rainy daze

Please excuse the following post as it might contain parts that make absolutely no sense, then again I did write this at 11:54......

I have a weird obsession with the rain. I'm not sure what it is about the way the rain falls but I love it. I'm writing this at almost midnight on February the first 2015. 32 days into the year. (Obviously you figured that out if you can do simple math)

I love the rain. I like how in one moment it comes down fast and hits the ground hard and in another moment it slows up and you can barely hear it hit your window. I told someone tonight I wanted a sky light, not because it would be completely awesome, but because laying in bed and watching the rain fall and hit the window would simply amaze me. I like falling asleep to the rain. I like the relaxing feeling I get when I crawl in bed in my pjs and just listen to the rain. I like the laziness I feel on rainy days and the excitement I feel when I know it's raining hard enough I can wear my hunter rain boots. I like the excitement I get as I hop into the puddles like I'm 6. I like the way the pavement steams in the summer after a good rain. I get super excited when I whip out my adorable red and black polka dot umbrella, rock red and black in all circumstances (spoken from a true fan). 

I think the rain represents life in some fashion. How some moments are heavy. How sometimes you feel like you can't catch a break because it's all coming down so fast. Rain represents peace. Sometimes it represents the slowing in my life. Like tonight, it rained for hours as I laid in bed binge watching one tree hill as I laughed at a conversation that never had a low point. As I try to describe to you the peace that comes over me when I listen to the rain, I'm at a loss of words. The best thing I can think of is Psalms 46:10, "be still and know that I am God" the stillness is an exact representation of my attitude in the rain. I think the Lord gives us rain in the time we need it most. Today was one of those days. A new day in a brand new month (one I happen to love). The rain brings freshness to my soul.

With all this being said, I encourage you the next time it rains to go for a drive. Drive a little ways and just stop. Stop going and be still and calm and just watch the rain fall. You'll feel overwhelmed with the peace, or at least I hope you do. 

Xo