Our society is obsessed with the idea of the thigh gap or the perfect size 0 girl. The infamous thigh gap makes girls self conscious everyday. We scroll through Instagram or Pinterest and see pictures of skinny girls with a flat stomach. It plays a major role in how girls look at themselves. I'm not gonna lie and say it doesn't affect me, because it does. I scroll through Instagram and see a picture of a bathing suit model and thing wow I wish I looked like that.
I hate working out. Or I did for a long time. I would wake up one day and feel motivated to do something to be happier with the way I looked. I've never really struggled with my weight because I never thought much about it. I eat what I want and I would get by with being fine with how I looked. Self image was never something I really struggled with and trust me I didn't think I would write a blog for the whole world to see on it either, but here I am. I put my guard down because this blog is the easiest way for me to share what I feel and explain it to you.
In the winter I feel fine, the way I look doesn't bother me. The summer rolls around and the shorts I wore the summer before stopped fitting or I was more self conscious when I was laying by the pool not because I thought I was fat but because I wasn't 110% happy with how I felt. I think New Years resolutions are silly, partially because I never followed through with them.. Until this year. At the beginning of the year I told myself I would start going to the gym. Keep in mind that I've told myself this every single year. I doubted myself, some friends doubted me, my mom even doubted me. She told me if I didn't go the 10 times a month than I would have to pay for it. My weight didn't bother me and it's not the weight in particular that bothers me now. I liked the girl I saw in the mirror. I never saw myself as the fat friend, but what I did see is a girl who wanted to love who she saw when she looked in the mirror. I wanted to be the girl I saw in the magazines and the reality is that feeling will never disappear. The feeling of not good enough or not small enough will always run through my mind. Because I want to be the girl I see in the magazine. I'll joke to you everyday of the week about fat and happy because I love the junk food I eat, but what you don't know is that's not the girl I wanna be. I wanna be the girl who is comfortable in her own skin and feels good when she shows up in a cute outfit. And that day will come, I'm sure of it, I'll just have to keep pushing till then.
Don't get me wrong and assume I'm posting this blog to fish for your compliments, because that's not it at all. Posting this is difficult because although it doesn't seem like it. This is letting my guard down, a little at a time.
What this post has yet to tell you is where to go from here. If our ultimate goal is to look like "her" in the magazine or on Instagram than we will never be satisfied. At the going rate, we continue to feel in adequate or obsess with the girl we see in the mirror, and what we have to realize albeit very difficult is that we are perfectly created by our Heavenly Father. That's not to say you can't go hard at the gym or eat a healthier diet because you can, but what you can't do is dwell on what you think are your imperfections.You are not the girl you see in the mirror and you are not defined by the number you see on the scale. Chances are it'll take us a while to realize how perfectly we were created, and I will continue to struggle with it. But while I'll struggle with that truth, I will try to wrap my head around the Creator of the World and how perfectly He made us. Flawless and perfected in His eyes.
My hope is that you begin to understand Psalms 139:14, " I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made". My hope is that amidst your struggles you begin to realize that the girl you see in the mirror isn't the girl that the chases. He chases for your heart and as important as it is to treat our bodies good, we have to realize our heart for the Lord and devotion to Him is ultimately the most important.
PS- Sara, if you're reading this, I appreciate your wisdom on this situation. You rock, thank you for knowing the right thing to say.
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